Support groups have been shifting venues. Participants no longer have to maneuver traffic-clogged streets to get there. Or sit in a circle of chairs. All they need is a phone, cell service, and a will to share.
Through a series of free support groups, predominantly offered via Zoom, JQ is meeting LGBTQ+ Jews and allies where they are. All are facilitated by licensed therapists and provide education, guidance, free-flowing conversations, and overall care. The groups run for six sessions and meet on a weekly, bimonthly, or monthly basis.
And most importantly, each of them are built on pikuach nefesh, the Jewish commandment of saving a life, which takes precedence over all in Judaism.
Participants often tune in from their homes in California or Illinois or New York or even Israel. No matter how much or how little they have in common with one another, all come with an open heart, said Laura Ticho, who oversees all support groups and facilitators as the Director of Support and Wellness at JQ.
“Even if we have very limited overlapping identities, there are so many different ways we can show empathy to others. Our participants do that,” said Laura, who also facilitates the LGBTQ+ Coming Out group. “They show empathy in real time and ensure each person feels seen and heard.”
The groups are affinity based, creating a designated space for Iranian LGBTQ+ Jews, parents of LGBTQ+ children, transgender adults, and so many others looking for a judgment-free zone. To form a tight community built on trust and comfort, groups are kept small, with no more than 10 participants.
Facilitators have the agency to run their groups as they see fit. Still, all follow a general and loose structure: starting with a framing or check-in question, then introducing a theme for the session, dedicating time to sharing and responding to one another, and closing with a mindfulness exercise.
Licensed therapist Emily Abraham has long been facilitating JQ support groups and was the first person to hold the Support and Wellness Director role at JQ. Professionally, she specializes in helping others manage anxiety and relationships.
“Sharing your feelings in community takes bravery,” Emily said. “Some group members start off a little quieter, taking on a listening role. Over time, they find and use their voice more and more. To see that willingness to be vulnerable and open up is beautiful and meaningful.”
Her support groups, Grief & Loss and Nourish & Nurture, focus on different needs but are rooted in the same value: love.
“Regardless of what people are going through, there’s always love woven in,” Emily said. “To see them navigate complexities with care and compassion and see them show up for themselves and others, that’s love.”
The support group offerings have grown since their humble beginning in 2018. In the early days, there was one in-person group with three attendees. A few years later, as people began to navigate a new world of social distancing and face masks, the JQ team recognized a need for online, affinity-specific support groups. They created them and attendance ballooned, with as many as nine support groups being offered at any given time.
And now they pivot and adapt support groups as need be, always based on what community members are asking for. Usually, a new season brings new participants looking for something different.
For Daniel Morad, 21, that something was connecting with others who share his lived experiences as a gay Iranian Jew.
This summer, he started attending two support groups, LGBTQ+ Coming Out and Iranian LGBTQ+ Adults. Both spaces became opportunities for him. They were comfortable and non-judgmental. Open and full of active listeners. Daniel could bring his whole self and speak about the who, what, when, and how of coming out.
“There is real camaraderie here,” Daniel said. “I can share whatever I’m feeling, right in that moment. And when I do, I’m always met with support and understanding.”
Through support group sessions and JQ as a whole, Daniel, who grew up attending Orthodox Jewish day school, said he’s found new opportunities to reconnect with Judaism on his own terms.
“At JQ, I feel more religious than I ever did in school,” Daniel said. “I’m surrounded by tradition, I’m learning more, and I’m more immersed in my culture.”
Many participants, including Daniel, have been drawn to a particular support group because of the person facilitating it. JQ has six facilitators on staff, and each is representative of the people they support.
One of those facilitators is Jordan Held, a licensed clinician who has been running JQ support groups for three years. His intersecting identities — transgender, queer, and Jewish — help him lead Supporting Transgender & Gender Diverse Family Members, a group for parents and caregivers of LGBTQ+ children.
“There is no expectation for them to understand anything about being transgender,” Jordan said. “They come as they are.”
Each of his sessions is intentionally unstructured, giving everyone a raw and open space to express their why, specifically why they show up.
Some are trying to mend a strained relationship with a child who is grown and out of the house. Others are looking for advice on how to help a child being bullied in school. And some are struggling to understand their gender-diverse child.
“Parents so often feel like they can’t voice their feelings or even have feelings on top of what’s going on in their family. This is a space where they can say, ‘I don’t get this,’ and not be met with anger or frustration,” Jordan said. “They need that space, one where they can ask really hard questions about gender, learn, listen, and make mistakes.”
Jordan, who has spent his career working with transgender youth and their families, said parents need a space to process, away from their children. The support group conversations can range from why pronouns matter to gender-transition treatments.
Participant Sara Gould* said Jordan has provided continuous support. Her teen son, who is transgender, has been trying to navigate and embrace his Jewish, LGBTQ+, and Israeli identities. And oftentimes, he’s been on the receiving end of hate for holding all three.
Sara felt stuck for a long time. She wanted to help her son but struggled to find a space where she could tell every part of her story without backlash.
Through some online searches, she found JQ and registered for two support groups: Nourish & Nurture, run by Emily, and the transgender support group run by Jordan.
“This is one of the few places where I can bring everything to the table. The Jewish component. My time and connection to Israel. That I have a trans child,” Sara said. “I can bring all of the different parts of me and my experience so I can really support my child.”
Sara said being part of an intimate, confidential group of people who value respect, no matter their differing backstories or opinions, offers a warm and supportive environment for all who come.
She never feels judged, even when she says the world is upside down. No question of hers is ignored or dismissed. And Jordan is “always a nice dose of ‘it’s going to be okay.'”
“To see Jordan — a happy, healthy trans man in a loving relationship, with a meaningful career, running a support group, helping other kids, and living life — he just brings me hope,” Sara said. “He’s the adult version of what my child may become.”
JQ is launching nine new support groups, beginning in January. Adults of all ages and backgrounds can register now.
*Sara Gould is a pseudonym, used to protect her privacy.
