Coco Leaman has known she’s queer since she was very young. But growing up in a Modern Orthodox family and attending an all-girls Jewish high school in London, she was expected to marry a man.
“There was no talk of sexuality in any sense – straight, gay, anything,” she said. “Being brought up in that environment, I wasn’t allowed to express myself or to mix with people who weren’t straight.”
After moving to LA as an adult in 2016, Leaman finally felt she had the freedom to explore her sexuality and how it could co-exist with her Jewish identity. She began dating her current girlfriend in 2019 and attending virtual events through Eshel, an LGBTQ+ Jewish organization based on the East Coast, but quickly realized she was craving in-person interaction.
That’s when she discovered JQ International.
“The way I was welcomed at JQ is the way that I want everybody else to be welcomed,” said Leaman, who attended her first JQ Shabbat in January of 2024 and hasn’t stopped attending events since. “For me, it’s been a place to call home. I’ve built a lot of friendships that I didn’t think I needed. It’s just a really happy, safe space where no one is judged.”
Leaman regularly attends JQ’s Shebrew Shabbat events, intended for lesbian and queer Jewish womxn, where she’s made a number of close friends, many of whom come from similar Orthodox backgrounds. Once a quarter on Thursday evenings, Leaman goes to JQ’s Observant Community Happy Hours, a space in which she feels she can truly be herself.
“There’s an understanding that we’re all from the same kind of background and oftentimes share the same struggles,” she expressed. “It’s not necessarily spoken about, but coming from Modern Orthodoxy can be really challenging in terms of our sexuality, and having this space to be with others who understand that has been really important to me.”
Sammy Shefler and Philip Trencher have attended JQ’s community programs as a couple and share Leaman’s sentiments. For both Shefler and Trencher, the attention JQ pays to creating events with the Orthodox community in mind is paramount. The happy hours are held in kosher restaurants in the Pico-Robertson area of LA, making them more accessible to the larger Orthodox community that lives in that region.
“Having events that are specifically labeled for Orthodox community members is so important for those who may be struggling to figure out where their queer identity fits within Judaism,” Trencher said. “These are usually low-key, safe spaces, and by appealing to that population, JQ is answering a need in the community.”
Both Trencher and Shefler, who were raised in Modern Orthodox households, have been dedicated volunteers with JQ for the past few years, a pursuit that has helped them expand their social circle and affirm the coexistence of their Jewish and gay identities, while giving them a place to feel comfortable within the two communities.
“I don’t know what we would do if JQ didn’t exist,” Trencher said. “We don’t regularly go to synagogue or frequent the West Hollywood party scene, where most of LA’s gay bars are located. JQ is the perfect place for us – it’s a little bit of both.”
For Shefler, the care with which the JQ leadership receives and implements feedback is one of the reasons why JQ can create such a welcoming community for LBGTQ+ Jews of all levels of observance.
“The JQ leadership really listens, and they take our feedback seriously,” Shefler explained. “That has been so helpful for us and makes us feel like we are a respected and valuable part of the JQ community.”
